Quit Hiring Nice People for Customer Service: Why Character Trumps Pleasantness Every Time
I’m about to say something that will most likely upset every HR person who encounters this: recruiting people for customer service due to how “agreeable” they come across in an meeting is among of the biggest mistakes you can make.
Nice turns you nowhere when a customer is yelling at you about a problem that was not your doing, insisting on fixes that don’t exist, and threatening to ruin your reputation on social media.
What works in those situations is toughness, controlled limit-establishing, and the skill to stay focused on results rather than drama.
The team discovered this lesson the challenging way while working with a significant commercial company in Melbourne. Their recruitment process was totally centered on finding “customer-oriented” applicants who were “genuinely pleasant” and “thrived on helping people.”
Appears sensible, right?
Their outcome: sky-high turnover, ongoing time off, and customer experience that was perpetually mediocre.
Once I analyzed what was going on, I found that their “nice” employees were getting totally destroyed by difficult people.
The staff had been hired for their inherent compassion and wish to assist others, but they had zero preparation or natural defenses against internalizing every client’s negative emotions.
Worse, their natural inclination to accommodate people meant they were repeatedly committing to demands they had no power to meet, which resulted in even additional upset people and increased anxiety for themselves.
We watched truly caring employees leave in short periods because they struggled to manage the psychological strain of the work.
At the same time, the small number of staff who thrived in difficult client relations roles had totally different traits.
They were not particularly “agreeable” in the traditional sense. Alternatively, they were resilient, self-assured, and at ease with establishing limits. They truly desired to assist clients, but they furthermore had the ability to communicate “no” when required.
These people could validate a customer’s upset without accepting it as their responsibility. They were able to remain composed when people became abusive. They managed to focus on finding realistic solutions rather than being caught up in dramatic dynamics.
These characteristics had minimal to do with being “nice” and significant amounts to do with mental strength, internal confidence, and toughness.
The team totally changed their hiring approach. Rather than searching for “nice” people, we started testing for resilience, problem-solving capacity, and comfort with boundary-setting.
In evaluations, we offered candidates with actual client relations examples: angry customers, excessive expectations, and cases where there was absolutely no complete solution.
Instead of asking how they would keep the person satisfied, we inquired how they would manage the situation appropriately while preserving their own wellbeing and enforcing business standards.
This applicants who responded excellently in these scenarios were infrequently the ones who had originally seemed most “agreeable.”
Rather, they were the ones who exhibited systematic analysis under challenging conditions, comfort with saying “that’s not possible” when necessary, and the ability to differentiate their own reactions from the customer’s mental condition.
Six months after implementing this new hiring method, staff turnover fell by nearly significantly. Client experience rose remarkably, but additionally notably, satisfaction specifically with challenging client encounters increased remarkably.
Here’s why this method succeeds: support is fundamentally about issue resolution under challenging conditions, not about being universally approved of.
Customers who contact customer service are usually already annoyed. They have a issue they cannot fix themselves, they’ve frequently beforehand attempted various methods, and they need effective support, not superficial agreeableness.
The thing that upset clients really need is a representative who:
Recognizes their concern immediately and precisely
Demonstrates authentic skill in understanding and addressing their situation
Offers clear explanations about what is possible to and will not be done
Accepts appropriate measures efficiently and continues through on commitments
Preserves calm composure even when the client gets upset
Notice that “agreeableness” doesn’t appear anywhere on that collection.
Skill, professionalism, and reliability count much more than pleasantness.
Moreover, excessive pleasantness can often be counterproductive in customer service encounters. When clients are really frustrated about a significant concern, excessively positive or bubbly reactions can appear as inappropriate, insincere, or out of touch.
I consulted with a financial services company where support representatives had been taught to always display “cheerful attitude” no matter what of the customer’s circumstances.
This strategy was effective reasonably well for standard questions, but it was completely inappropriate for significant problems.
When customers reached out because they’d been denied substantial amounts of money due to technical failures, or because they were dealing with monetary crisis and needed to explore payment solutions, artificially positive reactions came across as callous and inappropriate.
We taught their representatives to match their interpersonal approach to the gravity of the customer’s circumstances. Major concerns demanded professional, competent responses, not inappropriate upbeat energy.
Customer satisfaction got better immediately, particularly for complex issues. People experienced that their concerns were being treated with proper attention and that the people helping them were professional service providers rather than merely “nice” people.
This takes me to another crucial consideration: the gap between understanding and psychological taking on.
Good customer service people need understanding – the skill to understand and acknowledge other individual’s feelings and situations.
But they absolutely do not should have to take on those negative energy as their own.
Interpersonal taking on is what happens when customer service people start experiencing the same upset, stress, or distress that their people are feeling.
Such emotional taking on is incredibly overwhelming and contributes to emotional breakdown, decreased effectiveness, and problematic staff changes.
Healthy understanding, on the other hand, allows representatives to understand and react to people’s emotional needs without taking blame for solving the customer’s mental state.
Such separation is essential for maintaining both job effectiveness and personal stability.
Therefore, what should you screen for when selecting support people?
To start, psychological awareness and resilience. Screen for candidates who can keep stable under challenging conditions, who do not make client frustration as their responsibility, and who can differentiate their own emotions from someone else’s individual’s emotional conditions.
Next, analytical ability. Client relations is fundamentally about identifying issues and discovering workable resolutions. Screen for individuals who handle difficulties logically and who can reason effectively even when interacting with frustrated people.
Also, confidence with standard-maintaining. Search for people who can state “no” appropriately but clearly when required, and who understand the gap between being supportive and being taken advantage of.
Additionally, authentic interest in solution-finding rather than just “pleasing people.” The best customer service staff are motivated by the intellectual satisfaction of fixing difficult issues, not just by a need to be liked.
Most importantly, career confidence and personal dignity. Client relations staff who value themselves and their work knowledge are much better at preserving healthy interactions with people and offering reliably excellent service.
Don’t forget: you’re not selecting people to be customer service buddies or emotional support workers. You’re recruiting professional problem-solvers who can offer high-quality service while maintaining their own professional dignity and upholding appropriate standards.
Recruit for effectiveness, toughness, and work quality. Niceness is secondary. Service competence is crucial.

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